Like many women, I spent a lot of time feeling like I was too fat
As soon as I got the inkling that my body might be too big, I tried everything to lose weight.
I tried to live off lemon juice and cayenne pepper in middle school. By 11th grade, I was taking appetite suppressants. I counted calories, I ate disgusting meal replacements, and I read diet book after diet book.
Then, in college, after being diagnosed with pre-diabetes and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), I had weight loss surgery. But that didn’t work either — two years later, I was almost back at my starting weight.
My life is really different now, but for a long time, I truly struggled to be OK in my body. I would try on all of my clothes, and then wind up in the same two outfits because they were the only thing I felt comfortable in. I’d fantasize about how much different and better and easier my life would be if I were thin.
I was always wondering — why do I suck so much? Why don’t I have enough willpower to just “diet and exercise” like everyone says?
But maybe the worst part was that I didn’t talk to anyone about what I was going through. I felt completely alone.
Except, I wasn’t.
Research shows that 95% of all attempts to diet fail, and most people regain, plus some, within 5 years. Food and weight-related anxiety and depression are at an all-time high, and eating disorders have the highest death rate of any mental illness.
I have now talked to hundreds of women about their relationship to food and their bodies, and one thing is for sure: It is an incredibly difficult and confusing time to be a woman.
On one hand, we’re supposed to be proud of our bodies now:
Be strong! That’s real beauty.
Don’t try to change yourself, try to change the world!
You go girl!
That feminist body-positive message is everywhere, and the message is clear: strong women — good women — can just love themselves without having any desire to change themselves.
But on the other hand, everyone you know is doing a 30-day cleanse. America’s favorite talk show host is schilling weight loss. Your Instagram feed is full of beach body tips. Even during a global pandemic, fatness is pegged as the ultimate problem.
So — hold on — okay, you’re perfect as you are, “Be strong and show the world!” but also, have a beach body.
And don’t be fat.
And eat “clean.”
Here’s an ancient, herbal cure for your cellulite!
Being a woman with a body is very confusing — the research shows that most of us want to lose weight, but I know from experience that we also feel guilty for wanting that because losing weight isn’t not what “strong women” want.
The hundreds of women I’ve talked to are grappling with the same impossible questions:
- What are you supposed to do if you’re truly worried about how your eating choices affect your physical health?
- And what if you feel completely out of control around food? Are you supposed to just try another diet?
- What if you feel so anxious about how your body looks that you put your life on hold, and stop enjoying the things that you used to enjoy?
Are you supposed to change, or wait for society to change?
If you’re not sure what to do, you’re not alone. We’re all feeling this crushing pressure. It’s time to break our silence on the eating challenges so many of us have experienced, and change the narrative from shame to power.
That’s why I created Wavelength — an app full of audio lessons and daily practices to help you take back your power over food and meet your health goals, without the shame and blame of “diet culture.”
We approach eating with a lens of science and self-compassion. Our lessons and practices help you understand why you eat the way you do, and how to make choices that feel good to you, instead of just “trying harder” with more punishing diets. 72% of Wavelength members feel happier about their eating choices within a week of using the app.
If you’re one of the millions of people who want to go deeper than a diet to change your eating, download Wavelength and let me know what you think. (We just launched an updated version of the app for iOS and Android, where you can listen to the first lessons, free.)
It’s time to take back our power over food, together. Let’s change the way we view food, our bodies, and ourselves, for good.
To join the momement, follow us on Instagram and TikTok, and listen to our new podcast, Good Eating Day.
